A little personal - but who cares.

Today, while at work, I signed into my AIM account through Pidgin. For the first time in just about 5 years... I saw a screenname on my buddy list. Immediately my heart stopped beating, I started hyperventilating, my ears and face became very hot and I wanted to throw up. Who would've thought the only one I ever truly gave my heart to would affect me to such a degree where I had to immediately get away from the computer? After all these years, he still has that sort of impact on me. Kinda pathetic.

That is all.

Judgement...

I write this after several mai tais - so please pardon any grammatical errors or frequent use of profanity as I'm on an alcohol fueled rant.

So I had a minor blow-up at a friend of mine today. Primarily because hearing "...but you drive a Beamer" for the umpteenth time. This phrase has come out of said friend's mouth so many times it's ridiculous. Yes, I bought myself a BMW. I'm aware that this is the car I drive. I'm aware that this car has a pricey price tag attached to it - it is I that pay the car note for said vehicle every month on the 10th. I'm obviously aware due to the little symbol on the hood of my car what the make is. I do not need the constant reminder. Seriously. So I basically said this in as many words.

So a little history here - I grew up poor. My mom's an immigrant to the United States. When she moved here, she spoke little English. There's not much a non-English speaker, with two small children could do in early 1980's Cleveland, Ohio. It's not like flocks of Koreans come to America and move to Ohio - amirite? So back to the story - poor. My dad worked. My dad was working at a factory that helped produce things like ball bearings for shopping cart wheels. My dad made a little more than $4 an hour I think - I may be overshooting this. This was a salary that was to pay rent, a car note and provide for a family of four. Yeah, times were hard, especially when my dad was injured on the job. Workers' comp was a slow moving machine (even worse than it is now) back in the day. We had no money. We had to go to churches to get government cheese and powdered milk. I remember my mom taking my brother and I on long walks as she shyly picked up aluminum cans on the side of the road. It was this time in my life where I think my young mind (I was all of 3-4 years of age) decided this is not something I'd ever go through. Don't get me wrong - my parents did the best that they could do. I don't blame them - the fact that they've come so far since this time really, really, really motivates me to keep on trucking down the path that I'm on.

So time went by, my mom also got a job at my dad's factory when I was in kindergarten, things got better. We still struggled slightly, but my parents were able to buy a house, get a second car, and make sure their kids were always fed. In middle school, I noticed that my brother (then in high school) caught the fashion - bug. He began to want to get Tommy Hilfiger and Nautica clothing. I, being the younger sibling, wanted the same thing as it was what I perceived as being "cool". So my brother began to convince my mom to buy him these more expensive than they should be designer garments..... irregular, of course, from T.J. Maxx, but who knew? I began sneaking into his closet to borrow said garments and that's where it all took off. By the time I was 14, I was legally able to hold a part time job in the state of Ohio. So I did. I worked from 14 until I went away to college at 18. I was able to buy what I wanted and still managed to save over $3,000. I took my freshman year off to "live the life" but soon realized I needed and wanted more. I then began to work my sophomore year of college. I stopped going to visit my parents because I had a full time job.

Fast forward, I graduated from college in December 2004, moved to Arizona a few weeks before 2005 began. By August 2006, I was able to proudly say I paid off all of my student loans and then I bought my first piece of luxury, a Lexus RX. What 24 year old can say they managed to do that? $18,600 in student loans paid off and a new car? Yeah. Proudly, I said, my life is in order. I didn't say much while I was working 55+ hrs a week. I just kept collecting my paycheck and pinching the pennies. In 2008 - the Lexus was fully paid off. I got a better paying job and didn't have to work 50+ hrs a week anymore. With that, I bought a new car. That's where I am. I worked my way up in the world. I busted my butt to get what I wanted and I have it. So when people point out that I drive a $38,000 car and carrying around $400+ purses, I get annoyed. You know why I can do these things? Because I earned them. Because I worked my tail off to be able to afford them. Because at 3 years old, I collected cans. Because I wore hand me down clothing. Because I didn't own a pair of jeans until I was 12.

So please excuse me if I take offense.

Here's a Twofer

Okay part one. Today I walk out of the gym and this young, let's say 20 year old, woman approaches me in her beater as though she doesn't want to stop. However, she does. She slowly rolls down her window and asks this random guy in a business suit if he "hears that noise whenever she drives." He simply replies with "Well, yeah... you have a flat tire." I begin to giggle... not even trying to hide it. The young girl then gets out of her car and starts crying. Really? CRYING? I mean, you're in a busy parking lot. There's a gym, a movie theatre and like more than half a dozen restaurants. I'm sure someone will help you change your dang tire. Tears? That sucks. I feel no empathy, what-so-ever for this girl. I have to think back to when I was her age. Ah yes, the years of the great 1991 Chevrolet Corsica. The reason I will never buy an American car (caveat being my financial security that is lol) again.

This damn Corsica... when I think about it, I get mad. I can recall the flat tire that I made this boy come fix for me - yes, if you like me, I usually extort that. I remember coming back from visiting friends at Bowling Green (BGSU) and having my car's water pump go out on like E. 47th, then getting the AAA tow to E. 14th and Chester then WALKING my happy butt from there to W. 6th Street so I could take the bus home (I was 18 - I remember that much.) I remember, eh... sophomore year of college, my fuel injector DIED while I was in the drive-thru of an Arby's. I got out of the car and pushed it, by myself, into a parking spot. I remember one day, me and the BFF were driving home, but we took separate cars. My alternator died. It was snowing. I left my cell phone in the dorms. I remember clawing my way up the snowy hill only to be greeted by a fence that I refused to even attempt to maneuver over. 16 people called the highway patrol for me. 0 people stopped to help me. I was so glad to see the ambulance arrive, not because I was injured, but because I was frickin' cold. That time... yes, that one time, I wanted to cry, but I did not. Luckily highway patrol came and took me to a rest stop. My dad had to come get me at 11PM - he had to drive 100 miles that night to come get me... but my friends drove the 60 miles from Columbus at the same time. I love my friends. I did not cry. Another time, I got a flat tire. I didn't cry. Highway Patrol came and the guy changed it for me. He had me kneel on the wet ground to watch him. I learned nothing.

But I digress. A flat tire is not something to cry over. I hated that POS Chevy. I still hate it. But it did not make me cry.

So yes - women of the world - don't be pathetic. It's only a flat tire. Call your insurance companies - most of them have roadside assistance. Get AAA - it's worth the $60 a year. Bat your eyelashes and make a man do it. But don't cry.

Second part of this entry... calories. I'm plateauing on my weight loss. I'm frustrated. I know it's starvation mode that's killing me. I try to eat enough - I swear I do... but when I reflect back, it's just not enough. Take today for instance. For breakfast I had a protein bar - 210 calories, 19 g of carbs. For lunch I had a Lean Cuisine cheese ravioli meal - 260 calories, 32 g of carbs. For afternoon snack - 1 medium sized apple, calories (according to the Internet) approximately 65, hell, let's say it was 80, and about 17 g of carbs. I go to the gym for eh... let's say 115 minutes (Mondays are my long days) and come home and make a Marie Calendar's dinner - 460 calories, 40 g of carbs. Totals for the day: a whopping 1,010 calories, 108 g of carbs. A person of my size and metabolism should consume -

You need 2370.1 calories per day to maintain your current weight without exercise.
You need 2025.5 calories per day to reach your goal weight slowly and maintain that weight without exercise.
If you reduce your current caloric intake to 1870.1 calories per day you will lose one pound per week without exercise.
If you increase your current caloric intake to 2870.1 calories per day, you will gain one pound per week.

I don't get it... really... I don't. It's frustrating me. Oh well.

"Money is Overrated"

See that? That there... the title of this entry. Ever want to have me go on a tirade? Say that phrase to me. Whenever I'm truly passionate about something, I'll have a 5:1 ratio to every point you have. It can't be something I'm just interested in, it has to be something that I believe in. Something that I love, cherish, adore, have unfaltering faith in. Very few things in life do I truly go to bat for, one thing I do is wealth. Personal wealth, financial wealth, spiritual wealth - whatever have you - I believe it's something that we all need.

But I digress.

Today some douchetard had the audacity to say "money is overrated" to me. I snapped. How can such an ignorant thing be said? You absolutely never hear a rich or well off person say that. No one really "hates" money. They hate not having money. Money doesn't create greed or evil - that's just an ignorant statement. How can something that modern society needs in order to function be "overrated"? How can something that's used in exchange for housing, clothing, food, etc. be "overrated"? Money is a necessity. Without money - there's nothing. By this point, a few others jumped into the conversation. Of course the tired old "money can't buy love" came into play. But really - how many marriages have ended because of financial reasons? Love doesn't create nor maintain a healthy relationship - and I'm not saying money does either. But if you're in a secure situation, finanicially, relationships are A - less taxing and B - less stressful.

Anyway - I have a college football player's attention elsewhere - I am going to attend to that >=)

Is it really only FRICKIN' Tuesday?!

That is all.